With the year coming to an end and 2017 right around the corner, I'll take this time to discuss joy, disappointment, feelings, hope, you know - all that stuff most fantasy sports players probably aren't interested in reading about, but I'm going to do it anyway.
People keep asking me two things recently:
Life balance is something that I tried to build between work and what's best for myself outside of work. Guess which one always won? There comes a time when you've dug a hole so deep, you can't get out of it. My decision to leave my job is my way of filling the hole so I can find my way out of it and completely start from scratch.
People say, "but you have a good job," and, "you're good at what you do." Let's be honest; just because you're good at something, it doesn't mean you should do it forever. And same goes for being good at your job. Maybe for some, those two reasons are enough. It isn't for me. I'm in my early 30's, and I still have not pursued a passion with any kind of conviction. I was never supported when I wanted to leave home to go to school on the mainland. I wasn't supported when I wanted to go to law school. I wasn't supported when I wanted to show a family member the MLB DFS articles that I had been writing. I can't mention my DFS "investments" with some family because they keep mentioning the word "gambling," because, apparently, the skill I have learned so far means nothing to them.
Not to toot my own horn but I've always been smart. Book smart isn't my thing but I could be if that's what I wanted. Teachers in school have litereally told my mom that I am an underachiever and I could do better. Grades and report cards don't reflect what goes on in my brain. I can be good at anything that I'm interested in. The moment that I'm not, it's over. Being smart doesn't always translate into making the right decisions and acting upon them. It greatly disappoints me that I've taken this long to not give any fucks about what other people think or feel, and finally take the time to do me.
And that is why I didn't find a job before quitting.
As far as what I'm going to do next; I want use this time to do some soul searching to see where that takes me. Here of some of the things I want to do:
Before jumping into a new job just because it gives me a paycheck, I think I owe this time to myself after all these years to find out where I truly belong in this world and really find what makes me happy. I'm not satisfied with life just yet. Settling for a job I'm "good at" with a paycheck isn't enough. The rest of my life can't be spent wondering, "what if." Money isn't everything and I know that no matter what happens, I'm going to be fine.
I've mentioned it before on Twitter, but I'm still amazed at how supportive people can be, even if I have never met them in real life. These are people who take a few seconds to type encouraging words and if they didn't care they wouldn't waste their time. Whether it's in support of my writing, or my fantasy teams and lineups, feedback from others are always enlightening.
Where I'm from, you're stuck on island. There is literally nowhere to run to or hide. You can only go so far and see the endless ocean. There's no open road to drive on; you'll just be driving circles around the island. The people left on land is all you have and the population is limited. I don't have many "real life friends" who play fantasy sports and I definitely don't have any that are as invested in DFS as I am. This is why I wholeheartedly appreciate the time anyone gives me, even if we haven't met face to face.
Year after year, I find myself wanting more time. More time to do research for the next fantasy sports season coming up. I want more time to do mock drafts. It all comes down to time and the time difference. Instead of trying to work around the schedule I have, I am eliminating my current schedule altogether, and will be trying to piece together a new one.
Not everyone has an opportunity to drop what they're doing and just follow their heart for a bit, but the time is now for me and I'm seizing this moment. This is the part where some people in my life will say, "writing won't pay the bills. Fantasy sports is just a game." Maybe the answer is yes and yes, but I don't care. I'm going to do it anyway and see what happens. Maybe I'll live out of my suitcase for a few weeks and visit cities across America, just because I can. Maybe in the long run this will all be a disaster, but don't shit on a girl's dreams of just wanting to live life the way she wants to. Let her. Let me find out for myself, because you never know...maybe this path that I'm on is really meant to be.